The Healthiest Sick Person Alive

Well this sucks.

I am stuck in the middle of being a public blogger and the most private person ever.

Well, the time has come for an explanation.  Let me reintroduce myself.  I am a Corporate Wellness and Facility Director, Strength and Conditioning Coach, Group Fitness Instructor with 15+ certifications, Wellness Coach, Precision Nutrition Coach, single mom of two, blogger AND the healthiest sick person alive.  I use to joke that I live a double life, but let's be real since I'm attempting to be honest here - I really do live a double life.  I live a very healthy lifestyle.  I workout every day.  Often 2-3 times a day.  I do get paid to test treadmills, new class formats, new equipment, watch fitness videos, host wellness events and so much more.  Really, I get paid actual money.  I've made it well known that I have the best job ever.  I actually flaunt it.  I moonwalk by the zillion desks as people give me dirty looks.  I host yoga classes outside on beautiful days and stay and meditate/nap/meditate while everyone is heading back to their desk.  I am suppose to be the "face of wellness" for my fantastic company.  But, I hold a huge secret from most.

 I am a very sick person.

I have lived with a chronic disease for 15 years.  I am on two types of "chemo" treatments. I take up to 10 prescriptions a day to even be able to walk.  I deal with severe pain with every single step I make.  Every single day.  I would guess that your pain level of 8 (needing emergency care) is my pain level of 4-5.  I've had doctors ask me how I am still functioning.  Umm, I don't know.  I have two girls.  I need to eat.  I have an unhealthy obsession with good quality fitness clothes and I haven't found a Sugar Daddy to foot that bill yet.  Hell, I don't know!  I was unaware that I had a choice I guess!

I can safely say that this past year has been the worst year for my health yet.  I even had a discussion with my doctor regarding discontinuing all treatments and allowing the disease to kill me.  Don't freak out, I'm a big girl.  I have a therapist.  But, I also have limits.  And I officially just hit my limit yet again.  My disease has never actually destroyed joints and my doctors have stated that my fitness level is the main reason my joints are so strong.  Or were so strong.  This past year, I have dealt with both hips being damaged, dislocating my "newer" knee (full disclosure here - It was only suppose to last 12 years and it made it 23!) and a so-called neck issue.  Two weeks ago, I woke up suddenly in ridiculous pain. Somehow I managed to make it to work.  I ended up face down on my stomach for 2 hours. My partner, Greg ended up sitting on the floor beside me and I dictated work for everyone for the week.  I literally wrote out my yoga class and talked a member through how to instruct the moves.  Holy Shit, I work with some awesome people.  I made it home and then eventually to the hospital.  Another funny part is that I joke with my classes, that my neck is not attached.  I crack that joke constantly.  Hey, guess what - my neck is not attached.  Who knew.

I also have a fear of having something foreign in my body.  Like a plate or screw or a surgical instrument (circa. 2001 - First daughters birth).  I also always thought dying by having my neck slit would be the worst way possible to die.  Brace for it.  I'm actually bracing myself here, not you.  The orthopedic surgeon sits down and scoots way close to me and tells me that I need surgery immediately.  Begins to draw the diagram for me. Asks me how I have possibly walked into his office.  Is this a good time to mention that I just taught yoga and somehow managed to stave off another day of not being paralyzed?  Oh yeah, I need some more pain killers Mr. Orthopedic Artist.

Anyway, enough of all that honesty, heartfelt stuff.  I will be having spine surgery next week.  I will have some nice screws that will hopefully set off many medal detectors in my future.  We are crossing our fingers (notice I will not say praying anymore) that my disease and that my immune system will be able to handle the trauma and recovery.  I have a lot to blog about the next few weeks that has been on my mind, so I will kill ya'll with my wit and somewhat honesty.  It's a crap shoot if you are getting honesty from me, that keeps things exciting.  Again, I have a therapist, calm down.

We can discuss how it is to live with someone in constant pain.  Oh, I know I'm a hand full. We can discuss my nutrition plan and how I manage to still eat healthy despite all I go through.  We can discuss my plan for getting back into a full exercise program after spine surgery.  We can discuss how I developed this amazing, witty personality.  We can discuss my current thoughts on why I have been given all these trials and horrendous shit.  We can discuss all types of things.

Wish me luck or whatever you want!

Love, Molly